Winner of the Fight Against Domestic Violence Scholarship

Alyssa Pong

Alyssa’s heart-wrenching essay illustrates the horrifying reality for those who grow up in an environment riddled with emotional abuse. While the psychological scars from Alyssa’s youth still affect her today, she has not let that stop her from creating the life she deserves. Congratulations, Alyssa, and all the best in the future.

Read Alyssa’s Essay:

It felt like there was no escape. As a young girl, I wondered if “something was wrong with me,” because I was afraid of the dark. My father would scold me angrily, telling me how clingy to mommy I was, and demanding I sleep on my own. He seemed to forget the countless occasions in which he locked me in the darkness of the garage, alone, trembling with terror, while I screamed and begged to be let in. Mom always tried to defend me, but he only punished me more if she intervened. At seventeen years old, I am still afraid of the dark. He should have been my protector, but instead he saw a “clumsy child,” a “stupid idiot,” and the “most desperate person;” even when I shared that I was struggling with my mental health. With each word from him that pierced my heart, I learned that vulnerability was my weakness. I became apathetic; guarding my emotions so fervently it seemed to an outsider I had none. I attempted every avenue to feel a shred of happiness, but instead of finding true joy, I became someone else. It was only when a restraining order was enacted and my father could no longer come near me that home became a safe place. At this time I did not fully understand the severity of what I had been through, nor the lasting effects my childhood had on my mental health. It has only been recently through psychology and counseling that I have found healing, and learned of the unseen damages domestic violence has on me. Today, I struggle with my self-image, feelings of anxiety, and being alone. I face these emotional battles daily, which has led me to understand that domestic violence has severe effects on a person emotionally, more than in any other way. While physical wounds will heal, the emotional harm that domestic violence causes stays with a victim forever. Domestic violence survivors continue facing countless issues throughout adulthood: depression, PTSD, low self-esteem, and fear, just to name a few. Every victim becomes emotionally wounded in some way. Yet, no one is affected more than children. In the United States, there are so many boys and girls who are lifetime victims to the chains of abuse. Some receive help, and sadly, even more never do. These children grow into adults, and their experiences follow them throughout their lives. Like me, they may struggle to form close relationships, open up to others, and set unrealistic expectations. Even worse, they may grow to become perpetrators themselves, continuing a dangerous cycle of abuse. The effects of domestic abuse on children affect generations of families, and it is imperative that we take action to stop it. Our youth are always caught in the crossfire, whether that is through intimidation, threats, or physicality. They know what they have seen and heard, but often are too afraid to speak up. It is beyond uncomfortable to bear your childhood to a complete stranger, in a thirty-minute conversation that is as nerve-wracking as an interrogation. Children deserve a voice, but they must be nurtured into a safe place where they can share their feelings: through numerous visits from Child Protection Services and a safe and comforting environment. Once a child can safely share their feelings, we must take action in court. If a parent is anything like mine, they are scared to death of what might happen if they lose custody of their children. They fear the consequences of even split-custody, where their child is abused without any protection, and this stops people from reaching out and getting help. This is why children need to be given opinions in court from an earlier age. A child’s voice might make all the difference in knowing the full story. Once families are safe, it is vital for both victims and abusers to attend therapy from someone who understands domestically abusive situations. Survivors need a support system that can bestow them proper guidance, and often that cannot be done by family and friends. By implementing mandatory therapy for survivors, they will be empowered to find healing and regain their lives. On the other side, abusers need to be shown what they have done wrong and be given the tools to, if they are willing, make changes. While this may never happen, without proper guidance an abuser will never recognize their wrongdoings. Now, to prevent domestic violence we need to educate our communities. This starts in schools. Implementing lessons throughout school courses will allow our children to recognize what domestic abuse is, and be more aware of it as they grow older. Our future generations need to understand the warning signs of both physical and emotional abuse, the short and long-term effects, and how to prevent it. However, it does not stop there. People who have been educated on domestic violence can continue spreading awareness in their everyday lives. We must speak out, and we must come together. Lastly, we create changes in our jurisdiction. We should prioritize developing clear laws that allow families to attain financial freedom, separate assets, and regain control of their lives. There is so little integration of emotional abuse in our jurisdiction, and this makes it nearly impossible to attain legal intervention for victims who were not or rarely physically abused. Emotional abuse is the missing piece of the puzzle in so many abusive situations, and yet, so little of our communities even understand it. I hope that one day we can find justice for every type of abuse. I seek to create change here and now. As I move through college I am excited to volunteer at the Domestic Violence Action Center. Here I can spread awareness on domestic abuse and support other survivors. Resilience is my greatest strength, and I hope that sharing my journey with others will help them see how much we can overcome. If I can help just one person to heal, then I have made all the difference.